Saying Goodbye To Sparky: Final Chapter 3/04/2010

Mesa keeps watch over Sparky

I thanked Sparky for moving to the new house with me.

Mesa loved him

Sweet Mesa kept vigil, watching over Sparky until one day before he died.  She sat for weeks, literally touching him all hours of the day until March 3, when I saw something very odd.  She stood up, and very carefully and deliberately stepped over his body one leg at a time.  She then walked away and never showed any interest in him again.  I knew she had said her goodbyes.  The next day he grew weaker and weaker, hardly lifting his head and his body became more and more stretched out.  I had to go to the title company one more time to deliver new loan documents in a very stressful, long drawn out refinance that was forced on me due to complications with the purchase on my new home.  I had to turn these papers in by five o'clock, and I was leaving town the next morning.  I knew Sparky was finally getting ready to leave this life, and I did not know what to do.  I left him on my bed for a few minutes and went to make some tea.  I heard a terrible THUMP and thought he had rolled off the bed onto the floor.  I was panicked and did not know what I would find as I ran from the kitchen to the bedroom.  Sparky had hardly moved for an entire day, yet there he was next to my bed on the floor dragging himself across the floor.  My heart broke as he started to howl.  I picked him up yet he struggled with all he had left and climbed frantically up my shoulder.  I took a deep breath and tried to feel what it was he wanted.  I put him back on the bed, only to have to watch him launch himself right off the edge and again, he fell, and hit the floor with a terrible thud.  I opened my bedroom door, and watched in panic and horror as he dragged himself through two rooms and pressed his nose against the french doors leading outside to the back yard.  He looked like a turtle trying to push open those doors with his nose alone.  He looked up right into my eyes and meowed. It was not any longer a howl, but a demand.  For a moment he again was my demanding bossy cat, though physically he was just skin and bones, his voice had all the strength and timbre of his younger self.  Suddenly I relaxed.  I knew he wanted to die outside NOW.  I asked him to wait as I ran and got his favorite blanket, grabbed him and rushed out into the beautiful Spring Arizona air and the sun warming the backyard.  I put the blanket and Sparky on the ground and lay down by him, now he was almost completely motionless.  Almost.  He stuck out his paw, and to my shock grabbed my hand with his nails and pulled it to him.  I stared in wonderment, all fear and anxiety had evaporated as I tried only to BE THERE with him.  He was running the show!  In another instant he completely relaxed and he seemed to sigh very deeply.  It came into my mind to tell him his life story and the words just began to pour out of me.  I thanked Sparky for moving to the new house with me, and waiting to die until I knew I could keep this home.  I told him what an amazing cat he was and how much he meant to me, and also how much Mesa loved him.  I told him how grateful I was that he had shared so much of my life with me.  I reminded him that he had gotten me through Vet School, the beginning and end of a marriage, and the birth of my daughter.  He had been there so long; longer than any man, through both wonderful and terrible times.  He was there so long I could not remember my life without him.  I told him I loved him, but I would be OK, and he could go.  

I will always love you Sparky

He breathed out deeply and he was gone.  I promised him I would bury him right there, in the spot he had chosen to die.  


I planted two small red sunflower seedlings next to his grave, and they flourished.  They grew tall and beautiful and made many seeds that fell there.  I know there will be many more red sunflowers next year to remind me of my special Sparky.


I will always love you Sparky.  You taught me that death was truly a beautiful journey, you taught me to let go of my fears.  I know I will see you again.
xxxjme