Saying Goodbye To Sparky: One Year Later

One year ago I said my final goodbyes to my dear twenty-three year old cat Sparky; or so I thought. I sat next to him and offered him comfort care as he approached the end of his life. I was fortunate enough to take care of him at home and give him Hospice care until he chose when to make his transition from this world we shared for so many years.  I was able to keep him comfortable and he seemed happy and peaceful right up to the very demonstrative way he made his exit.  (He demanded to go outside for the first time in ten years and died peacefully a few moments later on his blanket in the sunshine.)

Contrary to what you may think, Sparky's and my hospice experience was one of the most joyful times in my life. That was a very positive surprise. I was blessed to be able to set aside a few weeks of my life to be with him and tell him how much I loved him, tend to his every need and help him as his focus shifted away from this life. Experiencing hospice with Sparky taught me more than I could have imagined about my life, not just death. Instead of wrestling now with my grief and guilt, as I have for all the other pets I have loved that have died, I am instead, at peace. I am more comfortable with my life and the certainty of my own death. I even enjoy each day more.

How are all these positive benefits possible from an experience I dreaded and expected to be gut-wrenching and traumatic? My dear friend Dr. Ella Bittel teaches a course entitled Spirits In Transition (http://www.spiritsintransition.org/) that I took a mere six months before Sparky died. She taught me about the dying process itself: breaking it into stages just as we know from human hospice. We are most afraid of what we do not understand. By learning more about death I was freed from my overwhelming fear of the unknown. As a Veterinarian, I have seen death as the ultimate failure. I have advocated for Hospice, practiced it, as well as helped my animal clients make life and death decisions about their beloved pets, and I have euthanized thousands of animals.  Hospice does preclude euthanasia, but does not assume it is always the best option.  I have learned that Animal Hospice can teach us to accept death as part of life, not dread this process, and say goodbye to our dearest animal companions a different way.  We can allow them a comfortable, natural death.

I have come to cherish this time I had with Sparky, and it has truly rewritten my life.  Instead of saying a final goodbye to Sparky, his death has become a part of my life.  His lesson has left me daily with a new gratitude for each moment and every small experience of the deepest love that we can share; especially with the animal companions of our lives.  My personal hospice experience with Sparky left me most of all with an overwhelming experience not of mourning, but of abiding joy. He remains with me now each day, and he taught me that our dearest pets really are, always,eternally, and right now, here with us.