Tonight I think my 23 year old kitty Sparky may be beginning the active dying process. I am much more aware now of the stages of dying that we and our animal companions move through as we near death. It is a kind of backwards dance with life; a graceful exit. I have learned much through practical experience with dying patients. But even more valuable was attending the first two International Veterinary Hospice Symposiums sponsored by the Nikki Hospice Foundation (www.pethospice.org) and taking Dr. Ella Bittel's Spirits In Transition course (www.spiritsintransition.org).
I am very peaceful and comfortable being present at a beautiful goodbye for my beloved pet. I am making sure he is comfortable and trying to allow his wishes and not intefere as long as I believe he himself is ok with it. For the first time I am wholly committed to this experience. I am not attempting to control or change or "fix" it. I am trying to completely accept the best most holistic definition of Hospice as allowing the dying process. I hope I can accept it, not fear or avoid it, not postpone or hasten this precious death. I think I can do this because he is not suffering and I am not as ignorant as I was!
Sparky is teaching me about my own life as I accept his death. I feel so much at this moment like celebrating this miracle much as if it was a birth! These are very personal statements, and I am not saying I would never euthanize him as I did many many animals in my past history. I just pray that I do not need to. I am hopeful that I can let him take his own time to die.
This is absolutely the first time I have greeted the end of a dear life with joy and peace and not fear,avoidance or tragedy. I will write more on these specifics of what I have learned later.
I have no idea when he will decide to pass into the next realm. I am humbled and grateful to have arrived at this place to be just with him now in this sacred space.
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